Warning: This post is about birth and is uncensored so be prepared for the not-so-pleasant words that go with the messiness of having a baby. And sorry it's so long, but I likey the details.
I don't really even know how to begin this post. How do you describe the most significant moment in your life and do it proper justice? I guess I'll begin where I left off.
3 days after my last post, I had my weekly OB appointment. Dr. T checked me, and if I remember correctly, I was around 1.5-2cm and 70% effaced. I had protein in my urine, which can be a sign of a serious condition called pre-eclampsia, but my blood pressure was good and I hadn't had a sudden increase in weight (I'd actually lost 3lbs since my last appointment), so Dr. T was cautious but not concerned. She had me give another urine sample (protein still high) and hop on the monitors for 20 minutes for a non-stress test. Everything looked great but she wanted to see me again Monday to start my twice weekly appointments.
Before she sent me on my way, she jokingly said "I don't think there's any reason to induce you, but you know, if you wanted to drop that whole natural birth thing, we could have this baby out tomorrow." My response: "oooh, you're cute." She about died laughing. She also ordered me to have sex, bounce on my ball, go for a walk, and do whatever else to try to "get those contractions going." We followed her orders.
The next day, I started having contractions. Nothing timeable, but I was hoping it was more than just the typical contractions I had after a cervical exam. I went to the bathroom as I was leaving work and noticed I had lost my mucous plug. It looks as gross as it sounds. Ran some errands looking for a baby memory book and the contractions kept a'coming. Come on, baby!!
We went for another walk that evening, and the contractions started to get semi-regular. During the night, they kept getting closer together and more painful. The pain (and excitement) was keeping me up so I started timing them around 3am, and they were coming every few minutes. Yes!! But this wasn't the first time they would happen during the night then stop when I got up so I didn't want to get too excited.
Finally, around 5am I gave up on going back to sleep and hopped in the shower. If they were like the others, they'd go away. They didn't go away. They spaced out a bit, but they were still 6-7 minutes apart and getting stronger. Like hanging onto the wall, breathing through them strong. Holler!
I finally woke Jason up at 7am to let him know what was going on and because I kind of needed a ride into the office due to those contraction things and all. Sounds logical, right? In labor...go to work! So we drove to work so I could grab my laptop, let my boss know that things were starting to happen without freaking him out, and give my replacement a couple more bits of info.
And, of course, on the way home, we almost got ran off the interstate. That was fun.
Jason was anxious to get his laboring wife home, but I convinced him to stop by Chick-fil-a for a chicken biscuit. Must have food!
That was my undoing.
Literally, as soon as I ate, my contractions started slowing down. They went from 5-7 minutes apart to 10-20 minutes apart. I was so bummed!
I wanted to go walking or do something to get the ball rolling again, but it was blazing hot outside so Jason took me to run errands. We went to the health food store, Target, Newk's, and FedEx to print out the birth plan.
At Target, I bought all these awesome "labor" supplies - protein snacks, honey teas, gatorade. Things that would give me energy to get through labor. Because I wasn't in labor, obviously. Every time I'd have a contraction in the store, I'd end up hanging over the buggy or when my wonderful husband walked away with the buggy, hanging on the aisle displays. I'm sure I was a sight to behold.
I was convinced this was still super early labor and I didn't really need to prepare, it'd probably fizzle out and all that jazz.
Contractions were starting to pick up a bit again, getting stronger and closer together. We had to leave Newk's early because I was so uncomfortable. Looking back, that was the last meal we had as a family of two.
They continued to get stronger and closer together as the evening went on. Jason started timing them but he was in his game room and I was in the living room so every time one would start, I'd yell "Contraction!!" then when he was over I'd yell for him to stop. They got to be about 5-7 minutes apart again.
I washed some of Levi's clothes and started to get our bags ready. I still was in denial and thought we had plenty of time so I didn't really make much progress.
Around 10pm, I laid down on the couch to try to catch a nap. I'd been up since 3am and hadn't really slept before that so I was getting tired.
About that time, I texted Pam Abdoula to let her know what was going on. Contractions 5-7 minutes apart, pretty intense, requires breathing and focus to get through them. I guess she didn't like what I was saying because she called me to listen while I had a contraction.
Almost immediately upon hanging up with her, I had a really intense contraction. I went to the bathroom and noticed my pad was super wet. Then I had another super intense contraction. Whoa, that was only like 2 minutes apart.
That's when it really started. Looking back now, I realize my water had broken. Levi's head had been low so that's why I didn't have a big rush of fluids. His head plugged the leak quickly.
So I was in labor. And not the cute, hang on a buggy labor. The moaning, swaying, holy crap this freakin hurts labor. I had to hang on to Jason several times and I was starting to get louder and louder during the peaks.
I climbed into the tub with my meditation tracks and those helped for a while, but I kept losing focus because I wasn't able to lay back like I had practiced. Then I tried a hot shower. They were coming one right on top of the other and definitely getting more intense so we decided it was time to call Pam.
Jason called her from the bathroom while I was still vocalizing in the shower. I remember him saying "I think she's in transition" and I yelled "I'm not in transition." Pam thought I was moaning between contractions and said it was definitely time to get to the hospital. I wasn't moaning between them yet, and I probably should and could have waited a little longer, but I think we were all ready to go at that point.
Right as I stepped out of the shower, before I could even dry off, I had another contraction. I hung onto Jason, swaying my way through it, and then felt water leaking. I told him that I thought my water had just broken. Again, looking back, my water had already broken and this was just more leaking.
So now we're definitely ready to go to the hospital, and I, well, I'm trying to finish packing my freaking bag! Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on finding clothes and making sure you have your toothbrush and deodorant when you're in active labor with contractions every couple of minutes apart?? It's hard. Jason even picked me out clothes to wear up there because I was putting way too much thought into it.
I remember being very calm about it though. Like I thought maybe I'd freak out a bit, but I was very focused and aware. Jason on the other hand was breaking a sweat from going from one room to the other, getting the dogs squared away, getting the truck loaded up, texting family, etc. He wasn't frantic but he was moving with a purpose. From the time I got out of the shower until the time we actually got into the car had to have been 20 minutes or so.
We left for the hospital around 1:20am, called both sets of parents to let them know. Contractions in the car weren't fun, especially on Louisiana roads.
We got to the hospital around 1:45. After working through a contraction in the hall, I remember the nurse saying "we've got your room all ready" almost like I was visiting a luxurious hotel. I remember thinking "did someone call ahead and let them know I was coming?" No, apparently women come here during spontaneous labor a lot. It's kind of what they do. I obviously wasn't thinking clearly at this time.
Room 133. That's where it all went down.
After getting settled in the room and going over our birth plan, of which they were very supportive, the nurse checked me and I was 5.5-6cm. Woot! She asked me about a 3,847 admission questions which is exactly what you want when you're in active labor. There's gotta be a better way.
The rest of the labor is a bit of a blur. I remember random bits and pieces, but most of it is pretty fuzzy. Jason's filled me in on a lot of the details.
My parents got there around 3am and came for a quick kiss. I labored in bed on my back for a couple hours, living off of ice chips because I wasn't able to hold down water. I caught some zzz's between contractions which I find so funny because I always thought people were crazy when they said they fell asleep in between contractions. How is that possible? It's because you're freakin exhausted. Even though it was only a few minutes each time, it was very restorative. I actually felt bad for Jason and Pam because they weren't able to take mini-naps. Suckers.
The next check was a few hours later, I'd say around 4-5. Zero progress. It was so deflating. I knew I had to quit being lazy and get out of the bed so we decided to get me upright and let gravity help out. I tried laboring on the ball, standing up hanging onto Jason, on all fours in my bed. I started having back labor so Jason and Pam would apply pressure to my lower back. It helped a little but not much.
I eventually ended up on the toilet because I had to poop but couldn't, and not just the typical poop feeling before giving birth. I'd been having to poop most the night and I really wanted to do it in the toilet instead of on the bed. While I was in there, I had an urge to push, but I couldn't really tell if it was baby or poop related. That's a nice problem to have, huh?
The urge to push kept getting stronger and I finally told them I think I needed to push. Of course, this was right around shift change! I waited until the new nurse came in, Janice. Pam requested her because apparently she's one of the best. Knowing what I know now, I'd have to agree.
Janice checked me and I was around a 7.5cm. Again, I was so discouraged because I really felt like I was hitting a wall and couldn't make it much longer. I never once asked for an epidural, it actually never crossed my mind, but I remember saying to Jason about 100 times that I couldn't do it anymore and that there has to be something I could do to help with the pain. He just kept holding my hand and reassuring me that I was doing great. He stood on my left, Pam stood on my right, both encouraging me and doing everything they could to help me through it.
I think around the 99th "I don't think I can do this," Jason told me that I was so far along, by the time they got me any meds, they wouldn't kick in in time anyway. He was saying that just to steer me away from thinking about caving. When Janice heard him say that, she pulled him to the side. When he came back, I asked him what she said. I was afraid Levi wasn't handling the contractions well or something bad was going on.
She told him that she knew I didn't want an epidural, but if it got to be too much, that it wasn't too late for one. It's so funny because you'd think in that moment, when I was struggling the most, the thought of an epidural would sound amazing. It didn't. I didn't even entertain it. I'll have to ask Jason, but I think I immediately said no I was okay. I was glad she was trying to respect my wishes by not mentioning it in front of me, but even at that moment, it didn't even entice me a little bit. In all honesty, the contractions were too painful and too close together to sit through getting one, but still.
At some time around this point is when things got really interesting. And by interesting I mean the most pain I've ever experienced. Janice said that my cervix was so thin, that she could stretch me the rest of the way. Jason and I both remember that I was at about a 7.5 when she suggested this, but Pam's notes indicate I was closer to a 9. Neither Jason nor I ever remember them checking me and being anything more than a 7.5 so I'm not sure who's right.
I was still having the urge to push but pushing against a not-fully open cervix could potentially lead to damage and by that point, anything to help move things along was okay with me. But you know it's going to be bad when you're in freaking labor and the nurse says "this is going to hurt."
And holy hell did it ever! With every contraction, I'd push and she'd stretch me out a little bit more. I don't remember how many times I did it, maybe 3-4, but it was seriously the most pain I've ever been in. I eventually had to tell her to stop because I couldn't take it any more. At that time, I was almost fully dilated but there was a little bit of a lip left. I think this was when I uttered my first cuss word. I got through labor with only 2 and I never got mean and told Jason it was all his fault so I'd call that a success. :)
Jason says this is when the nurses and aides started getting the room prepped for delivery. I remember feeling like it was a bit chaotic, people moving in and out, equipment being moved all around. I didn't really like it, but everyone kept telling me how great I was doing so it helped to have so many people rooting for me.
After Janice's stretch-o-doom, I was feeling even stronger urges to push but she told me to try to breath through them because I wasn't quite ready. I guess about 10-20 minutes passed, and I asked her if she could move the lip the rest of the way. Jason said that caught her off guard, that I would ask since I knew how much it was going to hurt. I actually don't think she had to do much that time, it was almost completely out of the way anyway. I think it only took one more push and the lip was around his head and he was ready to come out.
Go time!!
My first real push wasn't the greatest. I kept saying "I'm gonna poop! I'm gonna poop!" Seriously guys, I had to poop. Remember, been having to all day. And I could feel the baby, and I could feel the poop, and I really didn't want to poop on the table. So I was holding back. But Pam told me it was okay to poop and basically I had to do it in order to get the baby out. There wasn't enough room for both of them down there.
So with my next push, I just pushed like I had to poop.
Because I did. Have to poop.
And I did.
Poop.
On the table.
"I'm pooping!!" Oh Janice, I'm so sorry. I saw her scoop it up and carry it to the bathroom. Jason said it was only a very little bit. He's probably lying but I'm going to believe it wasn't much.
My poop push proved very productive. They were very impressed with my pushing abilities. What can I say, I'd been practicing throughout my pregnancy with my poops. Sitting on the toilet, pretending I was in labor, pushing.
Not all contractions gave me the urge to push. I think I breathed through 2-3 random ones throughout the pushing stage.
After only a few pushes, Levi was starting to crown.
Let's pause for a minute for a sit-rep (situation report for those of you not in the know). We've got me, in labor, Jason on my left, Pam on my right, Nurse Janice manning the chute, and a couple other nurses/aides in the room waiting to do what they do after the baby arrives. Who am I leaving out?
THE DOCTOR!!
Yep, Dr. T almost missed the show. Right as he starts to crown, she busts in the room. Jason said he heard her in the hall yelling, "what room?! what room?!" She bolts in with her hair still wet and suits up. About that time I'm yelling "I'm pushing!" and she yells back "don't push, don't push!!" It was probably funny if you weren't in labor.
She takes her spot, asks for some olive oil which Pam immediately hands over, and coaches me to push slow and steady so I won't tear.
They had the mirror set up so I could see everything. At one point, they kept telling me to touch his head. I didn't really want to, but I reached down and did. It was kinda squishy. Not really what I was expecting. Jason said I immediately wiped my fingers on the sheet like "eww, yucky!"
One more push and his head was out. Ouch, but not as bad as I was expecting. Last push and my baby boy was born!
After only 18 minutes of pushing, our little guy was born at 8:38am weighing 6lb 15oz and measuring 19.5in.
I honestly can't put into words what I felt in that moment. So many emotions collided in that one instant when he entered this world. There was joy and awe from meeting and holding my sweet boy, becoming a family we'd striven to become for so long, relief from the labor being over, excitement and pride that we were able to bring him into the world the exact way we had hoped and planned, looking up at Jason and seeing the tears of joy in his eyes as he saw his son for the first time. It was the best moment of my life.
We had our immediate skin-to-skin time, he got a 9/9 on his Apgars (we expected no less from our offspring), and other than a crooked pinky toe, he was absolutely perfect! Even with the crooked toe, he was still pretty perfect. After a few minutes, Jason passed so I cut the cord. Hey, why not?!
I didn't have any tearing, just minor abrasions and a hematoma, so recovery was super easy. I was up walking shortly after.
Our first attempts at nursing were a success. He latched on immediately and nursed like a champ. It was so nice being able to have that come easily because I know it doesn't for a lot of moms and babies.
Since we had such a smooth delivery and both Levi and I were doing well, they let us leave the next day. So a mere 28 hours after giving birth, we loaded up little man and hit the road. After the extremely scary car ride home, we introduced him to the puppies and our new lives began.
It's been 12 weeks since that day. The day that changed our lives in a way nothing else could. Every single day, I look at my sweet boy's face and thank God for letting me be his momma. The pain and heartache we went through, it's so clear now. We had to struggle because Levi was meant to be our son. We had to wait on him. God's plan is perfect and he gave us a perfect son in His time. We are so incredibly lucky, and I don't know what we did to deserve such a blessing when so many others are still struggling, but I love that boy more than life itself. Even when I was pregnant, I honestly never knew I could feel this kind of love. I was terrified I wouldn't be a good mom because I'm not the best with kids. But I'm the best with him. He has enriched my life in a way I could never imagine. I'm so thankful for him. I'm so thankful for Jason. I'm so thankful for our family.
