I guess it’s time I write another one of these. What…3
months since my last one. That’s about right.
Truth be told, a whole lot has happened…and nothing has happened.
IUI #3 was thought to be another chemical. That would have made 5. Jason and I had agreed that if it was a bust, we’d take a much-needed break, go on a big, fancy vacation, and start again in a couple months. So that’s what we did!
However, before we did that, we had a sit down with Dr. V.
His recommendation: IVF
My response: Ain’t happenin’. (Then we had a sit down with our preacher just to see if there was any wiggle room. Nope? Yeh, didn’t think so.) Ain’t happenin’.
During our meeting with the doc, I brought up a few concerns. One being the possibility that I was just a slow hCG metabolizer and my chemicals weren’t really chemicals at all but traces of the trigger shot. He said he’d never seen a trigger stay in someone’s system that long, but while we were on a break, I could do a test run. He also agreed to switch me from Menopur to Follistim, and he tested for Celiac’s Disease, which came back clean.
For the hCG progression check, I triggered one random day (then got a natural period the next day which hasn’t happened in YEARS), then had betas every other day starting at 10dpt until the trigger was gone. For the average person, it should have been gone by 10dpt. It took until 18dpt. Turns out, I was right. I’m a very slow hCG metabolizer.
So that means all my supposed chemicals were just my trigger. I’ve never been pregnant. I’m officially in the “Unexplained” category.
This was both good and bad to hear.
It was so frustrating, month after month, knowing something had to be wrong, something in my body was attacking the embryo, but having our RPL and karyotype testing come back normal. What’s going wrong? What’s killing the embryo? What tests aren’t we doing?
Now, we’re faced with a new scenario. It never worked. My body didn’t kill the embryo. There never was an embryo.
It’s comforting in a weird way. I mean, there are still questions that can’t be answered, normal questions that come with being Unexplained, and the end result is the same. We’re still childless. But I’d rather be childless without having had 5 miscarriages, without feeling like my body would never allow a baby to live, if that makes sense.
So we took a couple months off. Went to England and Scotland. Had such an amazing time! It was so nice to have something to focus on other than IF. I didn’t realize how much it had consumed me until I stepped away from it. I felt like I had gotten a little bit of me back. Every conversation I had with Jason wasn’t about injections or follicle size. We were able to get back to where we were before we were this.
In fact, the thought of diving back in when we got home was…scary. I was hesitant even. I didn't want to go back down that road and end up in the same place I had been. I'm resolved not to this time.
As scary as it may be, it’s exciting too. We both have renewed hope. Jason even said right before we left for the UK that he was so glad to have had a break, but he was ready to get back to trying again. And he said he could hear the hope was back in my voice. What can I say…as soon as the wheels touched down, I reverted to a naïve newb.
I went in a few days ago for baseline and even my ovaries were thankful for the break – no cysts at all! Not even a small one. That was a first!
I've been on 100IU of Follistim for 5 days now. Today's monitoring appointment showed several follicles. A scary amount, really. But there were 1 or 2 that were a bit larger than the rest so I'm hoping those take over. I go back in tomorrow for another scan, which is a little unsettling because I've never gone in on back to back days like this. I'm hoping the doc isn't worried.
When/if the time comes, we'll be doing a Lupron trigger. It’s normally used in IVF prior to starting stims or as a trigger when OHSS is a concern, but since my body loves to hoard hCG, Dr. V wanted to give it a go. Works for me!
I truly am going to try to keep this more updated, just for my own sanity. If only Blogger wasn't blocked at work!!
Truth be told, a whole lot has happened…and nothing has happened.
IUI #3 was thought to be another chemical. That would have made 5. Jason and I had agreed that if it was a bust, we’d take a much-needed break, go on a big, fancy vacation, and start again in a couple months. So that’s what we did!
However, before we did that, we had a sit down with Dr. V.
His recommendation: IVF
My response: Ain’t happenin’. (Then we had a sit down with our preacher just to see if there was any wiggle room. Nope? Yeh, didn’t think so.) Ain’t happenin’.
During our meeting with the doc, I brought up a few concerns. One being the possibility that I was just a slow hCG metabolizer and my chemicals weren’t really chemicals at all but traces of the trigger shot. He said he’d never seen a trigger stay in someone’s system that long, but while we were on a break, I could do a test run. He also agreed to switch me from Menopur to Follistim, and he tested for Celiac’s Disease, which came back clean.
For the hCG progression check, I triggered one random day (then got a natural period the next day which hasn’t happened in YEARS), then had betas every other day starting at 10dpt until the trigger was gone. For the average person, it should have been gone by 10dpt. It took until 18dpt. Turns out, I was right. I’m a very slow hCG metabolizer.
So that means all my supposed chemicals were just my trigger. I’ve never been pregnant. I’m officially in the “Unexplained” category.
This was both good and bad to hear.
It was so frustrating, month after month, knowing something had to be wrong, something in my body was attacking the embryo, but having our RPL and karyotype testing come back normal. What’s going wrong? What’s killing the embryo? What tests aren’t we doing?
Now, we’re faced with a new scenario. It never worked. My body didn’t kill the embryo. There never was an embryo.
It’s comforting in a weird way. I mean, there are still questions that can’t be answered, normal questions that come with being Unexplained, and the end result is the same. We’re still childless. But I’d rather be childless without having had 5 miscarriages, without feeling like my body would never allow a baby to live, if that makes sense.
So we took a couple months off. Went to England and Scotland. Had such an amazing time! It was so nice to have something to focus on other than IF. I didn’t realize how much it had consumed me until I stepped away from it. I felt like I had gotten a little bit of me back. Every conversation I had with Jason wasn’t about injections or follicle size. We were able to get back to where we were before we were this.
In fact, the thought of diving back in when we got home was…scary. I was hesitant even. I didn't want to go back down that road and end up in the same place I had been. I'm resolved not to this time.
As scary as it may be, it’s exciting too. We both have renewed hope. Jason even said right before we left for the UK that he was so glad to have had a break, but he was ready to get back to trying again. And he said he could hear the hope was back in my voice. What can I say…as soon as the wheels touched down, I reverted to a naïve newb.
I went in a few days ago for baseline and even my ovaries were thankful for the break – no cysts at all! Not even a small one. That was a first!
I've been on 100IU of Follistim for 5 days now. Today's monitoring appointment showed several follicles. A scary amount, really. But there were 1 or 2 that were a bit larger than the rest so I'm hoping those take over. I go back in tomorrow for another scan, which is a little unsettling because I've never gone in on back to back days like this. I'm hoping the doc isn't worried.
When/if the time comes, we'll be doing a Lupron trigger. It’s normally used in IVF prior to starting stims or as a trigger when OHSS is a concern, but since my body loves to hoard hCG, Dr. V wanted to give it a go. Works for me!
I truly am going to try to keep this more updated, just for my own sanity. If only Blogger wasn't blocked at work!!
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