(This post and the next few to follow were written on the dates listed in the titles. I wanted to wait until we were able to share the news with our families before posting these.)
I can't believe I'm finally saying that! We've worked so hard to be able to get to this point. It honestly is the best and scariest feeling I've ever had.
After the blood draw, we tried to kill some time and keep us (me) occupied. Jason took me to eat Panda Express for lunch, my favorite, and then to DSW so I could pick out some shoes for Christmas. I was in and out in record-breaking time. He even mentioned how quick and painless it was, which is not the norm for someone with decision-making shortcomings.
When we got back home, we decided to try to catch up on The Walking Dead. Nothing keeps your mind occupied like watching walkers kill and be killed. Zombies are awesome. On tv.
My phone kept blowing up with texts and with every noise, my heart would skip a beat. Finally, around 3pm, it rang.
"RE Office" -- this is it.
The nurse on the other line was Cindy. She's the most senior nurse who's been there from the start of it all for me. Usually, I can tell by the tone in her voice what the outcome of the news is going to be.
But this time, she had a different tone.
I tried to relax as she went through the whole "Sandi? This is Cindy from Dr. Vandermolen's office. I've got your results." Does she sound happier than normal? No, you're probably just imagining that. Breathe, Sandi.
"We've got a great, positive pregnancy test here!" Wait, did she say positive? POSITIVE? As in the opposite of negative?
"Your beta is at 61 which is really good...." I'm pretty sure she said something about continuing the progesterone suppositories but that part was such a blur, I honestly can't remember. I used to always side-eye people when they'd say something like that - how are you not hyper aware of what's being said at such a crucial moment? I get it now.
I did come back to reality for a bit because I remember her asking when I wanted to come in Monday for my repeat. "Early as possible" Breathe, Sandi, breathe. "Earliest I have is 7:45, will that work?" "Yes ma'am." It was at this point in the conversation, that I started to lose it. She noticed and started congratulating me (I think...still fuzzy) and I could barely get out the words "thank you."
As soon as I hung up, I dropped the phone, started bawling, and clawed my way across the couch, over the dogs and blankets, to Jason and threw myself on top of him. We melted into each other, hugging and crying and praying to God thanking Him for blessing us with this child. It was one of the most joyous, precious moments of my life, right up there with the day he asked me to marry him and the day I became his wife. After all we had gone through, we finally did it. The relief and excitement and happiness was almost too much.
It's so funny how things don't ever go how you plan them. Obviously, it wasn't our plan to have it take this long and be this difficult to get pregnant. But even now, I had this grand scheme worked out on how I wanted to tell Jason. He was going to come home from work or wherever, and I'd be in the kitchen cooking, camera already set up in a discreet location to catch his reaction. I'd have something I had "baked" for him in a pan on the stove. He'd open it and inside would be the Duke onesie I bought him over a year ago.
That didn't happen. Instead, he was right beside me, heard everything the nurse said, and we shared that moment, that incredible moment, together. That was the best way.
I did eventually show him the onesie. It's been sitting in my closet, haunting me for all this time. Today, it finally saw light.
I posted to my FB group and they were all so supportive. We've all been through a lot together - infertility, pregnancy, birth, adoption, cancer, death. I can't imagine having to have gone through all this without having this group of 75 ladies. They are all angels to me, and I am so blessed to have them be a part of my life.
After that, I was so excited, I wanted to tell everyone in the world! But we settled on just our parents. I devised this sneaky plan to call my mom all sad and stuff, saying we were going to stop by on the way to Jason's parents' because I needed a hug from my mommy. Jason said I sold that really well, even brought in the water works.
So the plan was to drive to my parents' an hour and a half away, tell them, then drive to Jason's parents' an hour an a half away.
I went to Target to by some pee sticks. Jason didn't understand this since I already had a blood test proving, quantitatively, that I was pregnant. I can't explain it. After all this time, I needed to see those two pink lines. I also bought this adorable set of onesies and bibs while I was there that one of my e-friends posted on FB. It has a turtle and says "Worth the Wait." Soooo true.
When I came home, we loaded up the truck with our bags and dogs and headed east. We usually take my 4-Runner when we go anywhere with the dogs, but Jason needed his truck to hunt tomorrow so we took it. Mistake. Duke was so anxious, it made Jason super anxious, so about 45 minutes into it, we turned around and came home. This one is my fault. I was so excited to tell our parents that I wanted to do it right then, but I didn't think out the logistics. So I may drive down tomorrow or on Sunday and tell them. But we may wait until Christmas too.
I feel terrible though because my family thinks I got really bad news today, and I'm on the brink of depression. I told you I sold it well. My dad got on the phone and gave me his perfect fatherly support. There's just some things daddies know how to say to make their little girls feel all better. And had I truly been sad, he would've made me feel better. And Jason's mom is so upset for us about everything. So now I've got Jason lying to his mom. We're evil.
I can't believe we're actually here. 16 months and 9 days ago, I walked into that clinic for the first time. Today, I'm finally pregnant. We've been through so many trials, so many bad days, so much pain and heartache. Today doesn't erase all of that. But it makes it all worth it. I know we have a very long road ahead of us and this could all be over by Monday. But for today, right now, I am freaking pregnant!! Hallelujah!!
No comments:
Post a Comment