T-9 hours and counting!
It's almost 1am Friday morning. Today's the day. Today I either get the news I've waited for for over 2 years or I get the same news I've gotten month after month.
I’m off work today so I got a 10am appointment rather than my usual 7:30am. In my logical brain, that means I won’t have to wait as long for the results. At least I can try to sleep in.
I have another doctor’s appointment with my PCP at 10:30. It’s for lower back/left hip pain I’ve had for quite a while. They’ve tried shots and pain meds, which work for a little while, but never for long so the next step is probably an MRI.
It's almost 1am Friday morning. Today's the day. Today I either get the news I've waited for for over 2 years or I get the same news I've gotten month after month.
I’m off work today so I got a 10am appointment rather than my usual 7:30am. In my logical brain, that means I won’t have to wait as long for the results. At least I can try to sleep in.
I have another doctor’s appointment with my PCP at 10:30. It’s for lower back/left hip pain I’ve had for quite a while. They’ve tried shots and pain meds, which work for a little while, but never for long so the next step is probably an MRI.
The bad thing is, they want you to PIAC for anything lower back related. I REFUSE! I'm tempted to PIAC with FMU and leave it in the bathroom until I get back to test. I'm a tad bit insane.
I have been having more symptoms than I’ve ever had, which is still only a couple. Even on progesterone, I’ve never gotten sore boobs or anything. This time I’ve got sore and swollen boobs, cramps, and I drank half a Dr. Pepper.
Ok, let me explain that last one. I hate Dr. Pepper. It usually tastes like cough syrup and makes me want to gag. I ordered a Rootbeer but they gave me DP and I was like, hey this isn’t bad. So I drank it until I realized the whole reason I wanted a RB was to avoid caffeine. Okay, maybe I’m reaching on that one.
Jason is the optimist in our family. I’m definitely a pessimist (I like to say realist but I’m sure it’s full blown pessimism). I know the odds are not in our favor this month but I am chock full of optimism. It’s super scary knowing it could and probably will all come crashing down later today.
Which reminds me. My lovely, wonderful, compassionate husband planned to go hunting today at his lease over an hour away, leaving early this morning and coming back Saturday. Normally, I’d be fine. He’s left me nearly every weekend during hunting season.
But today is beta. Today I’m either going to be ecstatic or a complete wreck. And he’s going hunting? Is this not important to him at all? I know it is but that's how it makes me feel.
At first I thought he just didn’t remember my beta was Friday. I was more okay with that because then it's not like he's blatantly skipping out. But then he made a comment that proved he did know when my beta was and they he knew he’d be gone for it. And that pissed me off.
So I said something along the lines of “you don’t think you should be here for this?” He said, in his playful manner, “I don’t really neeeeed to be, huh?” So I calmly said that I'm either getting really good news or really bad news. “Just think about it.” That was my way of saying please put yourself in my shoes and be here for your wife when she’ll be at her lowest or at her highest. He took a shower and came back and said I was right and he needed to be here.
We're compromising. I won't get the results until later this afternoon so he's hunting this morning, coming home, then he'll go back. All the times before this, I've tested leading up to my beta so it was almost a progression of sadness. This will come all at once (preferred) so I'm really glad he'll be here to comfort me if it's bad news. Here's to hoping it's not.
I have been having more symptoms than I’ve ever had, which is still only a couple. Even on progesterone, I’ve never gotten sore boobs or anything. This time I’ve got sore and swollen boobs, cramps, and I drank half a Dr. Pepper.
Ok, let me explain that last one. I hate Dr. Pepper. It usually tastes like cough syrup and makes me want to gag. I ordered a Rootbeer but they gave me DP and I was like, hey this isn’t bad. So I drank it until I realized the whole reason I wanted a RB was to avoid caffeine. Okay, maybe I’m reaching on that one.
Jason is the optimist in our family. I’m definitely a pessimist (I like to say realist but I’m sure it’s full blown pessimism). I know the odds are not in our favor this month but I am chock full of optimism. It’s super scary knowing it could and probably will all come crashing down later today.
Which reminds me. My lovely, wonderful, compassionate husband planned to go hunting today at his lease over an hour away, leaving early this morning and coming back Saturday. Normally, I’d be fine. He’s left me nearly every weekend during hunting season.
But today is beta. Today I’m either going to be ecstatic or a complete wreck. And he’s going hunting? Is this not important to him at all? I know it is but that's how it makes me feel.
At first I thought he just didn’t remember my beta was Friday. I was more okay with that because then it's not like he's blatantly skipping out. But then he made a comment that proved he did know when my beta was and they he knew he’d be gone for it. And that pissed me off.
So I said something along the lines of “you don’t think you should be here for this?” He said, in his playful manner, “I don’t really neeeeed to be, huh?” So I calmly said that I'm either getting really good news or really bad news. “Just think about it.” That was my way of saying please put yourself in my shoes and be here for your wife when she’ll be at her lowest or at her highest. He took a shower and came back and said I was right and he needed to be here.
We're compromising. I won't get the results until later this afternoon so he's hunting this morning, coming home, then he'll go back. All the times before this, I've tested leading up to my beta so it was almost a progression of sadness. This will come all at once (preferred) so I'm really glad he'll be here to comfort me if it's bad news. Here's to hoping it's not.
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