Wednesday, December 26, 2012

12/19/2012 - 4 weeks 4 days

(This post was written on the date listed in the title. I wanted to wait until we were able to share the news with our families before posting these.)

I went to my IRL support group last night. I love that group. So far, it’s only been 4-5 girls, including me, but we were all very open from the get-go and have gotten along great. We say just about every meeting that it’s so nice to have people who just get it. 
I was actually really nervous to tell them I’m officially pregnant. Mainly because that leaves one lady who doesn’t have a kid or isn’t knocked up. I would really hate for her to feel left out in a place that’s supposed to be safe. I know I would. She seemed to take it well though so maybe she’s not as jealous as I am.
My next beta wasn’t supposed to be until Friday, 4 days from my last, but I called yesterday to get one today also. If I’m being honest, the main reason is because I’m too impatient to wait 4 days. And because of the faulty pee stick incident of Monday, I refuse to pee on anything else. But we also have this cute way of telling our parents that would require me to purchase frames and have this picture I created developed, and I just really don’t want to go through all that only to have Friday’s beta come back bad, then have to throw it all away. It would be too much. 
Barring any emergencies, I’ll get the call between 2-4 this afternoon. I’m not as nervous as I was Monday because, as I said, no faulty pee sticks to mess with my head, I still have my normal symptoms, and I’m starting to feel a bit queasy here and there. I have to force myself to eat during the day because the thought of food is…off-putting. It doesn’t make me want to hurl, it just sounds horrible. This could all very well be attributed to nerves but for the sake of those very nerves, I’ll say they’re symptoms of my condition.
I just got a text from one of the ladies in the support group sending prayers for a strong number. That was unexpected and, not gonna lie, it’s kinda making me tear up. 
They’re keeping me waiting again today. It’s 4:25pm and no call yet. I’m not as nervous today as I was Monday, which kinda makes me nervous. I know Dr. V has to review all the labs and give his orders for what to do going forward so that takes some time, so I keep telling myself that maybe he had a busy day and it’s taking longer than normal.
223. Doubling time of 93 hours. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it.

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